32 years ago today...

…we brought Marra home. I’ve already blogged about that joyous day, but here’s what my 70-year-old self would tell my 38-year-old self:

-            You have the perfect daughter for you. She’s not perfect – who is – but she’s perfect for you in every way. I can’t imagine birthing someone I love more, appreciate more, or feel closer to.

-            People will say weird stuff. Don’t sweat it. Stuff like “How’s her English coming along?” (Umm, she’s three months old.) “She’s not sitting up/crawling/walking/talking because she wasn’t breastfed.” (Maybe she’s not ready to sit up/crawl/walk/talk.) “All that carrot baby food you’re giving her is going to turn her skin orange.” (In the words of my pediatrician, not unless she eats it all day everyday for months.) “My friend adopted a baby and she turned out to be blind.” (So?) “My sister was adopted and none of us – including my mother – ever bonded with her.” (Wow.) “What are you going to do when she looks for her real mother?” (Help her. And fyi, I’m her real mother.)

-            Your mom will surprise you in the best way. My mother told me not to expect her to be close to our child because, in her words, “I don’t think I can love a child not of my blood.” But on April 13, 1994, at the Atlanta airport, when my mom first laid eyes on Marra, she took her from my arms and fell completely in love. “Her entire demeanor changed,” said my usually cynical husband. Marra and her Yiayia became best friends, soul mates, partners in crime. Years later, my mom said, “I love you, but nothing like I love Marra.” Thanks??? Seriously, it was one of my life’s greatest gifts to witness their relationship. In today’s world, I wish we could all understand if you truly know the “other” you will love them. Together, Marra and I spread my mother’s ashes in the Mediterranean, off the coast of Cyprus, her homeland. We fulfilled this promise I made to my mom years before, and I wouldn’t have wanted to share that honor with anyone else.

-            You’ll have tough times. And Marra will get you through them. Through gut-wrenching and challenging health crises with family, Marra helped me through. She taught me to pray, breathe, and hold my head up. Even as a six-year-old, when her dad had open-heart surgery, she had an inner strength and wisdom that inspired me to soldier through.

-            You’ll make it through the teenage years. And even laugh about them. Ah, the sneaking out, the lying, the bad boyfriends, the mean girls, the angst. Not gonna lie, it wasn’t fun. But if it helped make her who she is now, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

-            You’ll miss her SO much when she flies the nest. But you’ll love Marra the adult just as much – or more – than Marra the child. Sharing memories, experiences, talking about anything and everything – spending time with her is such a joy.

-            You know that story you wrote that you tell Marra every night? It’s going to be a book. And she’s going to illustrate it. Having our book published has been a dream come true. We haven’t sold a ton of copies, but as Marra reminds me, “We did it! It’s out in the world! That’s enough!” She’s right. And I’m happy. But I’d be happier if this simple story about connection and love and faith touched more people. I think we need it right now. And it benefits two amazing nonprofits.

Do this if you’re so moved:

-            Order one from wherever you buy books. Ordering by clicking here benefits independent bookstores. Or if you’re an Amazon or Barnes & Noble fan, order from there.

-            Go to one of these wonderful shops and buy one – they make great gifts. It’s not just for adoptive families – it’s for anyone and everyone! Spread the love.

-            Send me names of shops that you think may stock our book. We’re having more luck with children’s and baby’s shops and gift shops vs bookstores – I’ll take any leads!!